Do I really want to be humble?

Sometimes I assume the apostle Paul was born again and soon thereafter he was a fully sanctified super apostle.  Of course I know that's not true, but it's easy to read of his faith in action and just assume he was always like that and didn't really struggle that much with sin and self.  But Paul had to be made humble the same way the rest of us are made humble - through difficult situations and people.  God even gave Paul a thorn in the flesh, a "messenger of Satan to torment" him, in order to keep him from being prideful.  Paul prayed for it to be gone, but God had a purpose in the thorn.  God was showing Paul the sufficiency of His grace and the pathway to humility.  So rather than continuing to pray for the thorn to be gone, complaining about the thorn, or simply enduring the thorn, Paul actually rejoiced in it.  For Christ's sake, he delighted in whatever would lead to humility.

Murray writes of two stages Christians pass through in relation to trials and humility:

"In the first he fears and flees and seeks deliverance from all that can humble him.  He has not yet learnt to seek humility at any cost.  He prays for humility, at times earnestly; but in his secret heart he prays more, in not in word, then in wish, to be kept from the very things that will make him humble."

In the second stage we believe that it is in difficulties that Jesus Christ is revealed to us.  The believer longs to know Jesus and knows that only His presence can expel pride:

"A clearer insight was to be given to Paul in the deep truth that the presence of Jesus will banish every desire to seek anything in ourselves, and will make us delight in every humiliation that prepares us for His fuller manifestation."

I don't believe following Jesus can be broken into tidy "stages" that, once reached, becomes our permanent home.  These are more like attitudes or mindsets than stages.  But I do believe Paul's attitude can become that of any believer who understands that the grace that sanctified Paul is the grace that sanctifies us.  God still uses the same kind of circumstances.  I need to pay more careful attention to when my attitude is opposing my prayers and my actions reveal that I don't really want to be that humble!

Humility & Bearded Dragons

Several years ago a friend gave his son a pet he had been asking for - a bearded dragon.  It was a pretty cool pet.  Watching it eat crickets was quite entertaining, as was watching his son (italics) hold it!  But it was also a lot of work to take care of a bearded dragon.  The work took some of the fun out of owning a bearded dragon.  My friend said something to me one time that I will never forget: "My son liked the idea of having a dragon; he just didn't like actually having it."  He's an insightful dad!  Eventually the bearded dragon grew so huge they had to give it to a zoo.  But the principle has stuck with me.  I think it applies to me and humility.

It seems that most of the time I really like the idea of being humble.  It's actually becoming humble that a don't like too much.  Years ago Murray pointed out this tendency.

"Oh, beware of the mistake so many make, who would fain to be humble, but are afraid to be too humble.  They have so many qualifications and limitations, so many reasonings and questionings, as to what true humility is to be and to do, that they never unreservedly yield themselves to it.  Beware of this."

That sounds a lot like me.  I want to be humble; I just don't want to become humble.  I don't want to go through the trials and relational difficulties that God uses to develop humility.  Only when I am willing to gladly accept the one in order to get the other will I know what it is to be humble.

Faith & Humility, Humility & Faith

Murray writes: "As we see how in their very nature pride and faith are irreconcilably at variance, we shall learn that faith and humility are at root one, and that we can never have more of true faith than we have of true humility."

Faith is passive.  By faith I rest in and depend upon God.  It is an act of humility to place myself in the hands of God.  I will only stand by faith if I am willing to kneel in humility.  But the opposite is true as well.  I can never have more of true humility than I have of true faith.  It is an act of faith to humble myself, allowing God to take care of exalting me.  It is an act of faith to humbly and joyfully accept being treated badly, knowing that God will take care of doing me good.  It is an act of faith to humbly fall to the ground and die as a single seed, trusting that God will use it to produce many seeds.

You'll Get Used to It

Edward Bloom left home after high school graduation and there was only one road out of his hometown. That road passed through the town with no name. Those who were meant to leave home were able to pass through unharmed. Those who weren't stayed forever, unable to go forward or move back. The town with no name was always enveloped in fog with a light rain falling. Edward walked through town with a man named Willie. Willie described the dampness as a kind of residue. The residue of a lot of dreams.

"We have our share of rain," Willie said, "but you get used to it."

"Everything here seems sort of . . . damp," Edward said.

Willie cut him a glance. "You get used to it," he said. "That's what this place is all about, Edward. Getting used to things."

"It's not what I want," he said.

"That, too," he said. "You get used to that, too."

I wonder how many people whom I encounter in an average week are living a life that they have learned to "get used to"? It's the opposite of a life of hope. Followers of Christ can have the kind of hope that causes people to ask them about it and can be ready with a a gentle, respectful answer when asked. (1 Peter 3:15)

Sin, Grace & Humility

"I fear that there are not a few who, by strong expressions of self-condemnation and self-denunciation, have sought to humble themselves, and have to confess with sorrow that a humble spirit, a "heart of humility," with its accomplishments of kindness and compassion, of meekness and forbearance, is still as far off as ever. Being occupied with self, even amid the deepest self-abhorrence, can never free us from self."

If humility is not merely thinking less of self, but thinking of self less, then Murray has hit the nail on the head. This goes along with a Tim Keller article I read some time ago in Christianity Today. He writes that humility, or "blessed self-forgetfulness", does not come to us by thinking a lot about humility. It comes by meditating on the grace of God. I'm starting to see that when I grasp just how amazing the grace of God is I will be humbled, and in that humility I will be more likely to be gentle, patient and loving towards others.

The Proud Pharisee Within

In Luke 18 Jesus tells the story of the Pharisee and the tax collector who went to the temple to pray. The Pharisee prayed "about himself" and thanked God that he was not like "this tax collector" while reminding God of how often he fasted and his consistent tithing. The tax collector stood at a distance and couldn't even look up to heaven, but beat his chest and cried out to God saying, "have mercy on me, a sinner." Jesus tells us it was the tax collector who went home justified before God, because "everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted."

Andrew Murray's writes about this text with keen insight into the deception of pride in its many layers:

"Just when we are most anxious to have our heart the temple of God, we shall find the two men coming up to pray. And the publican will find that his danger is not from the Pharisee beside him, who despises him, but the Pharisee within who commends and exalts... Yes, even when in the temple the language of penitence and trust in God's mercy alone is heard, the Pharisee may take up the note of praise, and in thanking God be congratulating himself. Pride can clothe itself in the garments of praise or of penintence."

Praying for Humility?

I have often heard it said that one should not pray for patience, since the only way to grow in patience is to be placed in difficult situations in which patience is required! Murray writes of this same sort of thing with humility. I pray for it, but I am often frustrated by my lack of humility when the difficult situation calls for it. Murray has encouraging words for those who are are likewise discouraged:

"But let us not be discouraged! Let the discovery of the lack of this grace stir us to larger expectation from God. Let us look upon every brother who tries or vexes us as God's means of grace, God's instrument for our purification, for our exercise of the humility Jesus our life breathes within us. And let us have such faith in the All of God, and the nothing of self, that as nothing in our own eyes, we may, in God's power, only seek to serve one another in love."

What a wonderful attitude to keep in mind in every conversation. May God graciously write this on my heart!

Humility & Holiness

Andrew Murray writes: "The one infallible test of our holiness will be the humility before God and men that marks us. Humility is the bloom and the beauty of holiness."

The problem comes in my attempt to apply this principle. It seems to stem from wanting to be able to examine myself and know just how holy I really am. But if humility is the best test for holiness, then the problem is that humility doesn't want to be examined. The moment I fix my eyes on humility it vanishes. So I am left to test for holiness by somehow measuring it, and I'm not sure how to do that without being a proud legalist. So maybe I don't really need to know how holy I am? Maybe I just need to fix my eyes on the Holy & Humble One?

Christ's Humility & My Salvation

For a while now I have been pondering the words of Philippians 2:8, "He humbled Himself and became obedient to death - even death on a cross." While walking the earth Jesus Christ had always told death what to do. He raised the dead with a word. He spoke and death obeyed. On the cross Jesus humbled Himself and obeyed what had always obeyed Him. He submitted to that over which He had authority. I owe my salvation - past, present and future - to the humility of Christ. I love Andrew Murray's words: "His humility is our salvation. His salvation is our humility."

Andrew Murray's Start on Humility

I am enjoying Andrew Murray's "Humility", if 'enjoy' can be used of a book that is convicting you at every turn. Murray basically defines humility as an attitude of dependence. He calls humility the "glory of the creature". This is how he puts it:

"God is the ever-living, ever-present, ever-acting One, who upholdeth all things by the word of His power, and in whom all things exist, the relation of the creature to God could only be one of unceasing, absolute, universal dependence."

I think this is a good place to start. Murray will later unpack the attitude we usually associate with humility, that of being self-forgetful. But he starts with the relation of the creature to its Creator, and that is one of dependence. The essence of pride is independence, and once I have chosen that I have opened the door for every sort of sin. In contrast, Murray calls "the place of entire dependence on God...the root of every virtue."