Kids' Needs That Grace Can Meet

Kimmel writes that children have "three driving inner needs":

1.  A need for security

2.  A need for significance

3.  A need for strength

These needs are met by giving your children love, purpose and hope.  "If we've done our job adequately, our children should leave our homes with a love that is secure, a purpose that is significant, and a hope that is strong."

More Alternatives to Grace-Based Parenting

Image-Control Parenting

"This is a checklist method of parenting that is part of the seduction of legalism.  Image-control parenting assumes that people will know you are a good Christian parent raising nice Christian offspring by your church attendance, the way you dress (or don't dress), the way you cut your hair (or don't), the words and expressions you use (or don't use), the schools you attend (or don't attend), the movies you see (or don't see), the amount of Scripture you can quote, the version of the Bible you read, and the kinds of treats you give out for Halloween (if you participate at all).

The problem with this form of parenting is not in the things these parents do or don't do.  For the most part, these are well-meaning people trying to make good choices, but they make them for the wrong reasons!"

High-Control Parenting

"High-control parenting happens when we leverage the strength of our personality or our position against our children's weaknesses to get them to meet our selfish agenda.  This form of parenting is fueled by a combination of toxic fear, toxic anger, toxic bondage, toxic shame, and toxic strength... What makes it so difficult to address is the fact that the last people to see themselves as parenting this way are the very parents who are most guilty of using it as their primary mode of overseeing their kids."

Duct-Tape Parenting

"These families are usually running on empty...and too focused on the immediate rather than the permanent.  Rather than figure out how to fix their parenting issues, these families cope by patching their problems."

Life-Support or 911 Parenting

"These homes are much like the duct-tape families but with the added feature that a particular crisis is dominating their focus."

Some Alternatives to Grace-Based Parenting

Fear-Based Parenting

“We’re scared of Hollywood, the Internet, the public school system, Halloween, the gay community, drugs, alcohol, rock n’ roll, rap, partying neighbors, unbelieving softball teams, liberals and Santa Claus.” The result can be that your fears determine our strategy for parenting. Fear-based parenting is the surest way to create intimidated kids.

Evangelical Behavior-Modification Parenting

This strategy “assumes the proper environment, the proper information, the proper education, and the absence of negative influences will increase the child’s chances of turning out well.” Behind it may be two flawed assumptions: “(1) that the battle is primarily outside the child; and (2) that the spiritual life can be transferred onto a child’s heart much like information placed on a computer hard drive.” The child’s heart is left out of the equation.

Fight the Big Ones!

The language is early 19th Century, but I've been giving this quote from Chapman some thought. I think there is some merit to his thinking.

"Give yourself to attacking the filthiness of the spirit more than the filthiness of the flesh - pride, selfishness, self-seeking, etc. - these are the ringleaders; aim at them. While you are occupied in gaining the victory over little sins, great sins will be occupied in gaining the victory over you. When great sins are overcome, little sins fall with them."